The system is not broken; there is no system.

“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
“We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.
“Come to the edge,” he said.
And so they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.”

― Guillaume Apollinaire

It is twelve months since I wrote a course specifically for young people facing a summer of exams and decisions about going to university. Parents seem totally oblivious as to the pressures they may be adding to their children and the impact this may well have on their mental health.

I have taught at a British university and have over twenty years of experience as a counsellor and life coach. Every year the number of people between fourteen and twenty-four who end up needing support and suffering some degree of mental distress increases. Parents expect the universities to provide support or blame their children if they drop out of university. Few understand the role that they may have played in creating this situation.

Firstly, the decision as to what to do after sixth form is seldom an open discussion and one had outside of a brief discussion with an often-ill-equipped career`s teacher and their parents. That conversation s also influenced more by academic ability than by the wishes of the child or young person. Too often there are assumptions made with no real discussion or forethought.  In my own case, I was focused on exam goals that were part of a career pathway I have no recollection of discussing.  After each set of exams, the focus swapped to another set a year or two ahead with a sense of increasing pressure but no sense of real personal motivation.  I entered a top engineering university to be told on the first day of the undergraduate course that there were one hundred and three of us on the first year and that there were only places for thirty-five students on the final year.  Two thirds of us would be discarded over the next two years.  We were warned that our fellow students were our competitors for those places, and we should consider that if asked for help by a fellow student. So, the pressure increased.

In one sense I was lucky as one spring morning in my second year at the university I had a moment of clarity, an epiphany. I stopped in the morning sunshine to ask myself what I was really doing. Why was I doing this course at this university and was it really what I wanted to do? After some reflection I realised that I was fulfilling my father`s aspirations for me and this was not what I really wanted to do. I could not remember being part of any discussion that had led me to this point. We don’t know what we don’t know.  The experiences of the previous eighteen months, finding my way around living in London and enjoying all the opportunities that university life and the companionships that life brings, made me realise that I needed to change. I was lucky that I had the strength and the support of friends to make some important decisions. A lot changed at that point.   I changed my course to  one at a college that would give me credit for the academic work I had already completed and went travelling for a few months before the new course started. Simply put, I let the pressure out of the boiler and started afresh motivated by what I wanted to do. This impacted my relationship with my parents but looking back I think I simply jumped over the edge and found that I could fly.

In today`s world the pressures have increased. The cliff edge is higher and the chances of going into free fall are greater.  I was able to find work at my chosen employer on completing my studies and was on the housing ladder a couple of years later.  Today the system is not broken, there simply is no system.  There is a total lack of systems thinking. There is no recognition that everything is connected to everything else.  Government complains of the load on the health services and social care whilst many feel totally exhausted and demoralised.  I was able to start my career debt free and with sufficient savings for a house deposit.  One income was sufficient to maintain a reasonable lifestyle with a car and foreign holidays being affordable with all bills paid.  Today students start their careers with a burden of debt from student loans and compete in an overheated rental market for accommodation with little opportunity to save for a deposit to get on the housing ladder.

Our children are being pressurised into jumping into a visibly non-sustainable way of life. Today`s students must learn the necessary life skills to live away from home whilst studying in a competitive environment and having to find part-time work to supplement their income. We should be mindful that like all of us, young people don`t know what they don`t know so the choices they make and their very resilience depends on their coping skills and experiences in a high pressure environment with little chance of building from a debt free base to an aspirational lifestyle which is unobtainable for many without assistance. The dice are loaded for feelings of failure and inadequacy.  We, as parents, have a duty to support our children in making their own decisions, with as much support as possible, but without undue pressure. That is really difficult to do.

Travelling and work experience play a much under rated place in the educational process. That is the way in which the amount we don`t know is decreased and the value of what we do know increases. Choices become more informed for the young person. Experience grows self-confidence, knowledge and personal vision. Those are all important factors in creating a successful first flight.

Ian McDonald

June 2025