Counselling / Life Coaching ?

Every one of us is an individual with our own life story and history of memories and events. Each encounter, however trivial, leaves some small imprint in our subconscious mind, larger events can cause a disruption to our development, and we refer to these as traumas.  What is traumatic to one person may have little significance to another. Part of my job as a life coach is to help you navigate this history of events and their impact on your ability to be the best version of yourself that you wish to become. 

Trauma and traumatic events have two different but related impacts on our development, particularly if they are multiple or continue over a period. Being exposed to violence or insecurity, being controlled by a dominant other, or being bullied. Firstly, we learn our own coping strategies to make our live bearable. This may be through keeping a low profile, not to draw attention, or we may simply find a way to remove ourselves from the situation. We learn and develop our own survival skills.  The second impact is that whilst we are learning these survival skills, we suspend our normal development to some degree. We do not learn to deal with our peers, or the subtle nuances of acceptable behaviour. Our ability to fully function with others may be impacted.

Every one of us has the absolute right to be who we are.  There should not be any pressure to be somebody else, perhaps to fulfil the ambitions of a parent or the approval of a sibling or loved one.  Part of my job is to help you clarify who you are, in all aspects of your life, and then who you would like to become. My role is to be a non-judgemental partner in that process. My experience and training will help you gain clarity about your current situation and to define and refine your aspirations of who you would like to become.  For instance, you may be caught up in a relationship which is not working for you, and you have developed some form of eating disorder or inappropriate coping mechanism, which is interfering with your career ambitions. In many instances you may be unable to change a situation which is impacting you, but , working together, I may be able to help you see things from a different aspect which will change your reaction to the situation and may open new possibilities. Put simply, you do the work you want to do, and I help you facilitate the changes you have identified.

Part of my training is fully understanding change and what it both means to change and what it takes for change to happen. That change may be from helping an individual alter a long-standing belief or habit through to understanding large scale cultural change and supporting a shift in the culture within an organisation or even within a city or large population.

The relationship between a life-coach and his client is a long-term commitment by both parties. Coaching takes place over months and sometimes even years. The life-coach and client will regularly review progress and decide on a course of action or next steps/goals. These may be physical steps in the way of recovering physical health as well as changes that impact mental wellness.  If a client has suffered from trauma, it is not the job of the life-coach to help you cope with that trauma. You have probably already developed very effective strategies. Rather, it is the job of the coach to help you define and develop the life-skills that you may have missed out on whilst developing those coping skills.   This may involve starting by reinforcing self confidence and working through managed stages of growth so inappropriate coping strategies fall away.

In a corporate setting changing a team’s culture maybe following a takeover, merger, or change in market dynamics, may require the creation and planning of a road map to get that team from where they currently are to where they want to be.  Part of this process is ensuring that all members of that team understand what it will take to create a successful and sustainable change and safely finding alternative routes for those who feel unable to deal with the changes ahead.

In a family situation it may be helping a client deal with the grief of the loss associated with a family member or even a relationship. We are often faced with situations where it becomes clear that the future will play out in a different way to the route we had assumed or planned for. This may be the breakdown of a relationship or a change in physical health. We all face change in different ways. Some people are open to radical change and others struggle with anything more than a slight nudge on the rudder of life. It is the role of the life-coach to understand the degree to which their client is resilient and can flex. 

Life-coaches, like counsellors, are not here to “fix” you or your situation, but to work with you as a non-judgemental partner, supporting you and sometimes using life experience to suggest alternative perspectives, so change becomes both achievable and sustainable.

 Ian McDonald

June 2025