On Being Piglet

I wrote a post earlier this week on the “Sound of Silence”, looking at the power of simply being there for somebody.  Sitting in close proximity to another human being is not a neutral experience.  My post was based on the writing of A. A. Milne , with Pooh Bear and Piglet simply sitting on a log together contemplating a “Difficult Day”.  Pooh has declared he has had a difficult day, and Piglet asks him if he wants to talk about it. Pooh declines and they simply sit there, being there for each other.  We probably all recognise the value of having a partner or a good friend who is prepared to simply be there for us. Not trying to fix things or suggest solutions but just being present and acknowledging that one has had a difficult day.

More years ago, than I care to acknowledge, I completed an MSc in Human Consciousness, one of the most fascinating areas of psychology and physiology.  There are a number of well reported and acknowledged physical phenomena which are not fully understood.  One of the first things that impacted me was that it is not just our brain that hosts clusters of neurons and neural networks.  There are extensive neural networks also around our heart and our gut.  In effect we have three brains and there is a physiological foundation for saying that something is “Heart felt” or “I have a gut feeling”.  Being in tune with those feelings takes practice and awareness.  One other factor around the physiology of the heart is that is emits an electromagnetic field, shaped like a taurus, and extending for a few metres around us.

There is a physiological impact when we sit close to somebody as the two respective magnetic fields interact. The two hearts have an in-built desire to synchronise their outputs. In time the two heart rates will fall into synch.  Now if one person is anxious and has a heightened heart rate and the other is placid and feels grounded, the person with the anxiety will slow their heart rate towards the slower rate of the other person.  The “Calming effect” is real and measurable. Simply sitting close to another human being who is distressed will help, if you do nothing other than control and slow your own rate of breathing, and subsequently your heart rate.  Just being there helps.

The well-known book by John Gray, “Women are from Venus and men are from Mars” highlights an important and relevant observation.  An issue that often causes some consternation, particularly amongst men.  At the end of a long day, particularly a difficult day, the two sexes have a different approach to unwinding.  The male may sit down to scroll the news, take the dog for a walk, or maybe walk around the garden while he decompresses.  Asked how his day has been the most common response is “Fine” or an occasional “Don’t ask” and once some balance returns the male is happy to engage in conversation.  The female however, even if not asked how their day has been, will go into a download of everything that has happened, often in some detail.  The tension arises as the male, on hearing the download, has the immediate response, even if not vocalised, of “What do you want me to do about it?”.  There is a lack of understanding within both parties.  The female does not want her partner to do anything other than listen and understand. To simply be there for her.  The male, on the other hand, has the tendency to be agentic, to want to do something and he feels helpless. He does not understand the power of just being there to help defuse frustration and show support.  No action is required.

Just being there for another person is one of the most powerful and restorative things one human can do for another.  As Piglet says, in A. A. Milne’s story, “Difficult Dayse are so much easier when you know you’ve got someone there for you.” A nurse pausing for a moment with a few kind words and a reassuring touch are far more restorative than many pain killers or anti-depressants. 

I remember hearing one of the founding members of the SAS talking about returning home after an early mission, traumatised and unable to talk. He immediately walked outside his parent’s home and shut himself inside the coal store.  After his sitting in still darkness for some time the door opened, and somebody handed in a large glass of whiskey, closing the door again behind them.  His first reaction was “Somebody cares” and that was the start of his recovery. 

As conscious human beings we have colossal powers to help ourselves and others if we do not forget, ignore or lose those gifts. Some twenty years ago after returning from visiting my wife in intensive care, a friend phoned to ask me how she was.  He listened for a few minutes and his immediate reaction to hearing the tone of my voice was “Stay put, I will be with you in twenty minutes. What do you want to do? Do you want a bottle of scotch, to go out for an Indian, or just to talk. I am on my way. “After all these years it is not the trauma of the hospital that I remember but the overwhelming kindness extended by that friend. Yes, that had been a Difficult Day.

   Without a doubt the greatest skill a counsellor can acquire, above all the other “Stuff” taught over years of training is to know when to sit down, shut up, and to just BE with another human being that is hurting. Our physiology will start a process of healing without any prompt, if we get out of the way.  We need to remember Pooh Bear and Piglet sitting together on a log simply being there for each other.

 Ian McDonald

Nov 2025